Ready, Set, Raid - Raid Stacking

Stacking up - making a full raid

Alright, so I decided to address this issue, because, people seem to have quarrels over trivial things like, which buff is superior to another buff of the same type from another class, and who is on refreshment duty. Couldn't say people are not entitled to their own opinion, but for the sake of the article, let's pretend that not everyone knows of every buff/debuff out there

What is this stack you speak of?

So, we all know, that in a 10/25 player raid, some classes give out party or raid wide buffs...some give +10% to attack power, some give melee or caster haste, and some increase spell damage on a target, with an occasional increase to critically striking the target. But what really makes a good raid stack? Pure melee with melee buffs? Or does a caster party sound more your style?

When raid stacking, the first thing to understand, is not bringing in too many of one class/buff. For example, bringing in four balance druids does give a 5% critical hit increase, and gift of the wild...but in the end, you only need one balance druid to get the same job done. Same goes for shamans providing Bloodlust. But on the other hand, having multiple of the same class gives out more buffs, like paladins, that can give blessing of might, an increase to attack power, and blessing of wisdom, an increased mana regeneration buff, and also give out blessing of kings, a +10% to all stats buff. All three at once, with no hassle. In fact, each of those three paladins could be a different spec, meaning in a raid you could have a protection paladin for tanking, a retribution paladin for dps, and a holy paladin for healing the tanks.

All in all, raid stacking is making sure your raid gets the most out of the classes played, making the raid easier and lets all the players bring something to the raid other then their classic role.

Different name - same effect

Sometimes it just happens that some buffs overwrite, or cancel out other buffs. A shamans mana spring totem can negate the blessing of wisdom from a paladin, while a warriors battle shout can overwrite a paladins blessing of might, and a death knights horn of winter can be overshadowed by a shamans totem of strength. There is almost no way around this, as some stacking of buffs would make the player able to be reliant on themselves and skill, and just buff every buff they can, in order to clear content.

Just because some overwrites others, doesn't mean that a warriors battle shout should always be used over a paladins blessing of might. What happens if the warrior dies? The paladin would be able to continue giving a raid buff, with a minimal dps loss and no buff loss. Sometimes having another class with a similar buff can prevent a dps, or mana return loss.

Buffing - Making good, better

Buffs a critcal to making a raid just that much better, from a fortitude buff, to a Paladin's Kings buff, everythiing improves with raid wide buffs, and it wouldn't be fair to name off raid wide buffs given out during a fight if I didn't name buffs given out before it all goes down. So, here are the buffs that can be given out to the raid.

There are thirty or so different categories into which buffs and debuffs fit. Here you will find a comprehensive list of the changes made broken down by category and which spells/talents are in that category.

• Armor Debuff (Major): Acid Spit (exotic Hunter pet), Expose Armor, Sunder Armor
  
• Armor Debuff (Minor): Faerie Fire, Sting (Hunter pet), Curse of Recklessness
  
• Physical Vulnerability Debuff: Blood Frenzy
  
• Melee Haste Buff: Improved Icy Talons, Windfury Totem
  
• Melee Critical Strike Chance Buff: Leader of the Pack, Rampage
  
• Attack Power Buff (Flat Add): Battle Shout, Blessing of Might
  
• Attack Power Buff (Multiplier): Abomination's Might, Trueshot Aura, Unleashed Rage
  
• Ranged Attack Power Buff: Hunter's Mark (only Hunters benefit, so no need to exclude against other class abilities)
  
• Bleed Damage Increase Debuff: Mangle, Trauma
  
• Spell Haste Buff: Wrath of Air Totem
  
• Spell Critical Strike Chance Buff: Moonkin Aura, Elemental Oath
  
• Spell Critical Strike Chance Debuff: Improved Scorch, Winter's Chill
  
• Increased Spell Damage Taken Debuff: Ebon Plaguebringer, Earth and Moon, Curse of the Elements
  
• Increased Spell Power Buff: Focus Magic, Improved Divine Spirit, Flametongue Totem, Totem of Wrath, Demonic Pact
  
• Increased Spell Hit Chance Taken Debuff: Improved Faerie Fire, Misery
  
• Percentage Haste Increase (All Types): Improved Moonkin Aura, Swift Retribution
  
• Percentage Damage Increase: Ferocious Inspiration, Sanctified Retribution
  
• Critical Strike Chance Taken Debuff (All types): Heart of the Crusader, Totem of Wrath
  
• Melee Attack Speed Slow Debuff: Icy Touch, Infected Wounds, Judgements of the Just, Thunderclap
  
• Melee Hit Chance Reduction Debuff: Insect Swarm, Scorpid Sting
  
• Healing Debuff: Wound Poison, Aimed Shot, Mortal Strike, Furious Attacks
  
• Attack Power Debuff: Demoralizing Roar, Curse of Weakness, Demoralizing Shout
  
• Stat Multiplier Buff: Blessing of Kings
  
• Stat Add Buff: Mark of the Wild
  
• Agility and Strength Buff: Strength of Earth Totem, Horn of Winter
  
• Stamina Buff: Power Word: Fortitude
  
• Health Buff: Commanding Shout, Blood Pact
  
• Intellect Buff: Arcane Intellect, Fel Intelligence
  
• Spirit Buff: Divine Spirit, Fel Intelligence
  
• Damage Reduction Percentage Buff: Grace, Blessing of Sanctuary
  
• Percentage Increase Healing Received Buff: Tree of Life, Improved Devotion Aura
  
• Armor Increase Percentage Buff: Inspiration, Ancestral Healing
  
• Cast Speed Slow: Curse of Tongues, Slow, Mind-numbing Poison.
  

In each category, you can only benefit from the most powerful spell granting that effect. For example, Fel Intelligence grants spirit and intellect, both weaker than Arcane Intellect and Divine Spirit. If a player has Fel Intelligence and receives a stronger Arcane Intellect buff, he will gain the intellect value from Arcane Intellect and the spirit value from Fel Intelligence.

In most cases, fully-talented players will have exactly equal power on the strength of these buffs and debuffs. Fel Intelligence is an example of where one ability is weaker than others. The buffs in the "Increased Spell Power Buff" category are also not all the same potency, as they scale and grow in radically different ways. In virtually every other case, however, the buffs are equal. This means, for example, that fully-talented Battle Shout and Blessing of Might now grant the exact same amount of attack power.

As for Mana Batteries, each time they trigger the mana regeneration effect, 10 people in their raid group will receive a buff which causes them to regenerate 0.25% of their maximum mana each second. This buff, Replenishment, will be given preferentially to raid members with the lowest mana, but will re-evaluate which raid members receive it each time it is fired. Replenishment is provided by Shadow Priests, Survival Hunters, and Retribution Paladins.

Finally, there is Heroism and Bloodlust to affect the entire raid. However, all affected raid members will be unable to cast or benefit from Bloodlust/Heroism for 10 minutes after the intial use (unless there is a wipe, in which case, it's a 5 minute cooldown on the cast itself).

Complete turnaround

When making a raid, composition is key, making sure you don't end up missing buffs while still filling 10/25 spots can be hard, but that's what part of raiding is about, making the raid work, fluently, and when that happens, going into progression content is that much easier. So remember, bring the player and the class, and you can reap the rewards when players get extra damage in, don't run out of mana, and live that much longer. With that...

-pwrtoppl

-out

Onyxia's Lair Strat

So, here's a strat from wowhead.com, on how to make this fight easy

Phase 1: The Old Stuff

Phase 1 is absolutely identical to the original fight. It lasts from 100% health to 65%, and consists of Onyxia utilizing basic dragon abilities - Flame Breath (heavy hit in frontal cone), Cleave (hitting up to 10 targets), Tail Sweep (with a large knockback), and Wing Buffet (frontal cone knockback). Basic skills will get you through this phase easily - tank Onyxia with your back towards a wall, to avoid knockback from Wing Buffet. DPS and Healers should be position at Onyxia's sides to avoid both Tail Sweep and the frontal baddies. The tank might need some heavy heals, as the spells hit rather hard, and some cannot be resisted/mitigated. Other than that, you should be fine here.

Phase 2: The New Stuff

This is probably the hardest part of the fight. There are two (categories of) things to watch out for - adds and Onyxia's new spells. Note to melee DPS - you can attack Onyxia even while she is airborne, as long as you stand underneath her.

There are two kinds of adds spawning during this phase - Onyxian Whelps and Onyxian Lair Guards. The whelps will spawn in packs of 40 (20 on each side ). The first pack will spawn seconds after Onyxia lifts off in the air, and a pack will hatch every ~90 seconds after that while in this phase. While it is good to have a tank on them, try to AoE them down as soon as possible, as you want to mitigate overall damage and keep your mobility - you'll need both. The Lair Guards are new NPCs added in the 3.2.2 version of Onyxia - they resemble the old Onyxian Warder, but are significantly more dangerous. The guards will spawn more frequently than the whelps (approximately every 30 seconds), and will spawn in pairs (possible a pair from each side?). They don't have too much health, but have really high melee damage output through abilities like Cleave, Fire Nova, Flame Lash (which reduces fire resistance), and Ignite Weapon (17.5k/25k extra fire damage to targets in melee range). It is good to have a tank on them, but it is better to kill them from afar. Keep your melee DPS away from them at all times.

The other thing to watch out for are Onyxia's spells. Her Fireballs are something you should just heal through - although it is advised that you spread out, as the missiles do damage in a 10 yards wide area. /range on DBM is your friend again. And, of course, there is the Deep Breath...

Deep Breath is now on 100% random cast intervals - which means that DBM, or BigWigs, or whatever boss mods addon you use won't be able to warn you in advance. You will however see a raid warning/emote "Onyxia takes a deep breath". As soon as you see that, you need to forget about anything else you are doing, locate Onyxia, figure out which way she is facing, and get behind her quickly. Deep Breath is very unforgiving.

Phase 3: No need to STOP DOTZ

Phase 3 starts when Onyxia's health reaches 40%. At this point she will land permanently and cast a raid-wide fear, accompanied by lava eruptions. Raid wide damage, with extras for the tank - nothing you haven't seen before. Unlike the original version of the fight, Onyxia will no longer wipe aggro between phases, which means that your tank from Phase 1 should be the first person she goes to in Phase 3.

Throughout this phase Onyxia will continue to use all of her abilities from phase 1 (Flame Breath, Cleave, Tail Sweep, Wing Buffet), alongside with Bellowing Roar (3-second fear) and Eruption (AoE during the fear). Whelps will continue to spawn as well, but they won't be nearly as many as in Phase 2, so a few of your ranged DPS should be able to handle them quickly.

Note: If a player gets close to the eggs, at any point of the fight, the nearest whelps will hatch.

Taunt works

RolePlay - Tanking the tanks

Being the Wall

Tanks are at first thought, a wall that stops a boss or encounter from crashing into the raid and killing everyone. A second thought, pretty much proves that, a tank has the sacred duty of being the only line of defense to the raid. But unlike a normal concrete wall, the tank can move, become more resilient, or even interrupt a boss, plus, they can die. First off, this isn't an article on healing, that'll be for another day, this is more about the tank.

Tanks do not have it easy. Anyone thinks they can play a tank, but there is a fine line between being a good tank, and a terrible tank. Although it can be taught, tanking is really a first-hand experience. Any good tank can give advice, but without practical application, and learning individual play styles, tanking can seem daunting.

Where do tanks come from?

Traditionally tanks are a select few classes spec'ing (with talent points) into their protection trees to gain extra survivability talents that will allow them to live longer in boss encounters. Protection Warriors, Protection Paladins, Frost Death Knights, Feral Druids, can all be tanks. To note, Death Knights can use almost any talent tree to pick up survivability talents, but Frost or Blood seem the most traditional as Unholy has become more the PvP talent tree, and Blood has lost some mitigation and stamina bonuses over time since their release.

Tanks, usually aim for gear with "Defense" stats posted on it. "Defense" increases some natural avoidance abilities (more on those in a minute) as well as decreases the chance for the tank to be critically hit. By reaching an amount of 540 at level 80, tanks become "uncrittable" meaning bosses and mobs can no longer deal extra amounts of damage to them. Feral Druids are the exception, as they can spec into a talent that makes them uncrittable for 3 talent points. Generally Defense gear should go to tanks if seen as an upgrade, because, having a better geared tank means that wall between the boss and raid becomes that much harder to knock down.

Pure Avoidance - the legit way to not get hit

Avoidance is when a tank dodges, or parrys an attack from a boss, and in return takes no damage. It's percent based, meaning there is a percent chance the tank gets hit, as well as a chance the tank does not get hit. Avoidance is a loved thing. It means less mana consumed from a healer, and the fight can proceed with damage and mana saved. Sometimes, that breather can allow healers to catch up on the tanks life bar and even top him off, making sure the tank is fit for the next major attack from a boss. Pure Avoidance is dodge, and parry. Both work about the same, but come from different stats. Dodge, comes on gear usually with defense, but also comes from Agility, while Parry, comes on gear usually coupled with defense, and also comes from strength as well. Those two stats help a tank survive even the most deadly of bosses, just by dodging or parrying their melee attacks. Pure Avoidance is something aimed for by any tanking class, except for Feral Druids who cannot acquire parry stats.

Blocking...a damage mitigation story

Block is another stat given to most tanking classes (Druids do not get block, but instead Savage Defense, where when the Druid critically strikes they get a buff that reduces the next hit taken by 25% of their attack power). Death Knights do not get Block, but can also spec to take less damage by entering their frost presence for straight damage mitigation. Block, in a nutshell, is when the tank uses a shield and when successful, mitigates some damage from the boss attacks. Warriors and Paladins get block from their shields used, and as the stat posted on their shield, when they do block an attack, damage mitigation occurs for the amount listed. However, block also falls under a percent chance, making it a percent to happen or not happen. Paladins and Warriors alike can spend additional talent points to increase block chance, and Paladins can use an ability coupled with some talent points to increase their block chance by large numbers (60%). Block, can be acquired from gear like parry and dodge, and is often stated with them. The shield block amount is how much damage is absorbed when the block occurs.

Health Pools - How much can i take?

Health, is important to any player, it means how much you can absorb without biting the dust, or dying in quintessential terms. Health for a tank is more important, as they are taking a majority of the damage done by the boss (some rare cases, but I am not going to indulge upon them at this time). Having a large health pool, means you can take bigger hits, or even multiple hits in a row before death occurs. Some bosses do abilities a tank just can't dodge, so that's where their health pool comes into play. Or say they don't get a dodge or parry off, again, to the health pool the damage goes. HP comes from stamina, which is overabundant on tank gear, coupled with dodge, block, and parry (not all gear contains all bonuses, it's a mix and match game). Tanks with higher end gear will 99% of the time have higher health pools then tanks just starting to tank. Health is the end all stat for a tank, either they take the hit and live, or take it and die, having a higher number is always a good thing, but it doesn't mean giving up pure avoidance for it all the time either.

A Balancing Act - To be hit or not to be hit

So, you have some gem slots (for gems that can provide additional bonuses for your stats) open do you? Sometimes, too much of one thing means losing out on another...meaning you could have a hugh pure avoidance, but lack in health, and when that pure avoidance doesn't stop two attacks in a row (remember it's percent based) you could be in trouble. But the same could be said about health, gemming, enchanting, and aiming for high stam gear could be bad if the boss hits you multiple times in a row and your healers call out that they are running low on mana (always a bad thing). The best thing, is to find your middle road, and roll with it (somewhere between 50% or higher avoidance can be good as long as you have a good amount of health to back it up [try not to count block as pure avoidance since it doesn't negate a hit, and isn't always up to block to begin with]). It might be hard to start with, but when you get multiple pieces of gear for the same slot, you can judge which helps more (just make sure to stay around the minimum required 540 defense number).

Aggro - Making threats and keeping them

Tanks are walls because they can take hits, and dodge them sometimes...but they can also be the stopper between a boss and the rest of the raid because they can force themselves inbetween so. Threat, occurs when a tank uses abilities that cause threat, and does more threat then the other raiders. Every player produces threat (unless otherwise noted on abilities). Whether healing or dpsing or tanking, everyone produces threat, some more then others. A Paladins Sacred Shield doesn't produce as much immediate threat as a Priests Power Word: Shield. A tanks abilities, usually produce a large amount of threat per second, or tps, that, as long as they remain on top, keeps the boss focused on them. When dps starts doing more tps then the tank, then the boss moves to that dpser and kills them, number one on the aggro chart means the first (and sometimes only) target the boss focuses on. Aggro, threat, is the same in terms, threat is produced off of abilities, and aggro is the result. So tanks, keep up their respective threat making rotations and keep aggro focused on them.

Situational Modifiers - Run away little girl

It's no small feat for a tank, they have to make some choices while tanking, more personal choice then anything, but none-the-less, a choice. If a boss has a cast bar on an ability, tanks can choose, one of three things, try to move out of the way, eat it, or interrupt it. These choices aren't available all the time, or even at the same time. Sometimes a boss might cast an aoe that can't be interrupted, be can be moved out of the way from, or just taken as damage. Of course, there are times when damage can't be avoided, or interrupted, but has to be taken. And then there's the only option to interrupt it where moving or eating it cannot be options. But tanks must do the research of every boss encounter and learn what options are open to them. By knowing the fights before hand, a tank can respond accordingly to every ability, and prevent less damage, overall.

And...?

What's above in the post, is a general overview of what tanks must look at before each raid, during, and afterwards. It's alot more work when people actually stop to think about it. When it unfolds during a fight though, it seems like a blur, and in minutes, everything is over, and either the raid lived or didn't. For the record, I respect tanks, they have to worry about stats and put them into practice on every encounter, pulling out all the stops.

If you want to be a tank, I highly recommend tankspot.com to get in depth videos of all encounters and explanations for them. elitistjerks.com also has some great spec/rotation/gear recommendations updated with the latest theorycrafting.

-whew, enough to type for now

-pwrtoppl is out

Fresh out of the Box - Going from 0 to hero

Instant Mix, add water and stir

It doesn't hurt to be known on your realm...unless it's through a negative incident, but even then, so few people care, and others might give you crap, but oh well, all is fair in love and war. Being known on the realm gives you several advantages, including other guilds knowing about you and your accomplishments, other people knowing of your feats, and some sort internal power motor that makes you become even more attuned to the world of enjoyment and contentment.

But, to get to be "that" guy, who people love/fear/hate, you first gotta get there. And that road could be a harsh one indeed. The top arena teams from the last major tournament didn't exactly play dumb all the way to the top; instead, they worked their asses off and for good reason: recognition. They want to be known, to have one's name in a conversation isn't always a bad thing.

So, let's say your new to the game of World of Warcraft, and have heard rumors of former players who seem to drift into the following years without actually making an appearance. You want to be like them, or at least as popular, because, fame means an ego feed, and that makes most everything better in life. Having that instant gratification knowing that people know of you in this large world, is always a plus.

The Statement

So here's how to do it: work at it. Yeah, pretty dumb right? Just focus, determination, and some work can make someone known, but let's make this even more of a statement. Toss in some research, do some known events, like raiding with the top end guild on your server, or blast through an arena rank with someone, but make sure you don't lose the focus. By setting goals too, you can make sure to meet them, and increase a rating by a certain date every week, or by trying a new heroic achievement, getting a server first along the way. But maybe your not up to that point...let's backtrack just a bit.

The Starting Line

First off, say you get a new 80, or just decide it's time to claim your stake in the world, wow or not, you need to know what you're getting into.

• Research - Look into what you're getting into, and what others have done to get to their current rank. Make sure to note what they did right and wrong. Look for something maybe you could improve upon, saying you know what you're looking into
• Goal setting - Start with simple goals, run some semi-current content to make sure you got a good grasp on what your aiming for, and when you get a solid idea of how your performing, you can set realistic goals.
• Making the Goal - Most of the time, people don't follow through with their idea, so make sure you setup reminders and have others to back you...best part of setting a goal in wow? Others are aiming for it too, common group goals, are nothing to be ashamed of, aiming to clear current content on heroic, means working with 9 - 24 other people anyways, so take advantage of it, work with them and reach those goals.
• Improving - A guide, is just that, a guide. No reason why anyone has to follow it to the "T." If your for any reason see a way to improve upon something, try it out, if it works, then you've just improved upon a guide/method and made it your own...if it doesn't work, oh well, try something else; at least you learned what doesn't work.
• Competition - One of the best motivators to reach a goal is some competition. Being in the top guild means you're constantly working your butt off to remain the best, and striving to put more distance between your guild and some other person's guild. For arena, it's pure ranking. Doing better is just more rewarding, and staying on top, should not hold you back from letting others know that you're on top (chances are, they'll say something out of jealously).

Checking Back

Make sure to keep up with your goals after you reach the top, or whatever you're aiming for. make new goals, and shoot to do those, or aim for something challenging that hasn't been done before. Make yourself even more well known. Why not? Part of being the best is making sure people know of you, and they will, some people will start their own goals and research and find your name as top .

Ending up

I didn't write this as a fact sheet, it still falls under a generic guide to getting "X" goal. But I thought it might be something worth writing about, since it could be called WoW related. Wasn't really aiming to make people feel inspiried as much as informed. There are a thousand more detailed guides out there, but this isn't a bad way to get started.

-on that note

-pwrtoppl

-out

Ready, Set, Raid - You are the WheelMan

Knowing Your Place, Raiding 201

So you've lived through a few ulduar and ToC encounters? Have gotten some loot have you now? But people still comment on you in general for not being a hardcore raider, being in a non-raiding guild, or a burnt out raider? Let's make sure your a raid ready, by starting with what your role is in a raid (not healer. dps. tank terms).

1 +24 does = 25

Chances are, you aren't the raid leader, and for good reason, raid leaders usually are (or should be) the people who carry the most stress, having to pay close attention to attendance, activity, loot, complaints from people, others attacking random people for low dps or bad healing strats, or people who just aren't cutting the current content's requirements; but you are just one among the many. People tend to use the "group concept" until they learn of the "I'm great" concept and forget that they once started out as a new player to the game, and so, as it goes, they think they are above everyone else, which is usually false (there are some amazing players out there and they know that they are). Don't be like those people, you help contribute to the raid, 10 or 25 respectfully, and by knowing your part, you provide less strain on the raid leader. But you cannot forget, by filling some vacant spot, could mean your just as replaceable as the guy you filled in for, so let's go over some things that will make you stand out.

Standing out (in a good way)

First off, in order to be someone to come back week after week, you need to have a couple things in mind as you raid:

• Raid Awareness - Simply put, know whats going on around you, while helping others out
• BYOB - Raid leaders like people who bring their own chow and flasks to a raid, being prepared is ALWAYS a good thing (several hours worth for the long runs)
• Mindful of /raid chat - Watch what others say, and respond respectfully; most of the time, people will say random things, or spam, or argue amongst themselves, try not to be one of those people.
• Advice given at the RIGHT time - Sometimes, people need to be told what they are saying or doing is wrong, by pointing it out in a non-threatening manner could show people what you know without offending other people.
• Ventrilo's Lure - Avoid saying random things in Vent, unless it's an idea to correct an issue. Never speak during a boss encounter or an explanation of one, wait until after, unless it is during the boss encounter and something happens to you where you need to call it out. And never NEVER call out if your dps and you die (bad way to get people to not like you)
• Designated Speaker - The raid leader usually has someone call out when something happens to players in vent during a boss fight so vent doesn't become cluttered with people's reverb and announcements of personal happenings.
• Ready Checking - People love to ready check, make sure you don't AFK during a raid and miss the check, you might go on the uninvite list after that run.
• Meter Maids - Don't be one, carry your own meter, but do not post it, the point of raiding with 24 others is to reach a common goal, posting how well you do looks bad, many raid leaders use their own and will look anyways.

It's not all the examples, but pretty close. Make sure you are respectful of others, be a happy raider, and keep discussion during boss fights to a nil. Raiding is one of those things, that requires focus and 24 other people to be aware of you and the encounter as a whole.

Being the Go-To Guy

Maybe you think it's time to contribute in some major way, but let's make sure your right for the job:

1. Reading up - Know the fights, and know the damage/debuffs given out during the encounter, and by lending advice to the raid about what you view on the situation can get you major points from the raid leader/guild leader. Not recommended for every fight, but sometimes lending a thought or two on stressful fights by offering a new tactic can make the world of difference.
2. Being there - Raid time, non-raid time, either way, be there for others, by helping out, and just being around online people will notice your not some silent scrub getting a free ride, show your worth by just being there.
3. Don't get cocky - Being in the upper ranked raiding guilds doesn't mean you should go sporting your guild name to everyone else. Chances are, people won't care, or will attack you for your foolishness, instead, work on being #1, and then keep cool about it, anyone who does care about ranking will know your guild is #1 and that knowledge that they know, alone should be worth the effort.
4. Fill-in, Step-out - Raid too full? Offer to step out for a night, maybe your just a dps that could be replaced with a tank or healer, in which case just offering could lend you some great points, because raid/guild leaders respect people who aren't greedy and there to take up space...but wait, is the raid missing some healer/dps/tank? Having a spare geared toon and offering can mean you really are a go-to guy, a hero of terms...just try not to relish in it.

Be cool about where you are in the guild, offer up, and one day you might make it to the top...or at least a guarenteed spot to raid every night your guild goes in.

well, just thought I would give out a thought or two what even I can't do well, maybe I'll start reading my own posts.

-pwrtoppl

-is out

What type of Raider are you?

Something to Mull over

I updated an old thread some time ago on DSL reports, thought I would copy my work over to my blog:

enjoy!

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You raid with these people. You work with these people. These people are closer than your family. You should worry.

The GM - He’s sacrificed his health, friends, and probably a couple of jobs to drag you through new content. When the guild isn’t performing, these decisions are in question. Prone to shooting sprees, forum flame wars, and the rapid advancement/gearing of whatever toon the guild “needs”. If you can keep your mouth shut, he’ll go emo and quit before you get gkicked. Still, you do like the guy. Or did. Before he went crazy. See drunks, below.

The GM (second type) – It’s his guild, his rules, and he has a final say so. He might have a second in command, kind of a fall back, but otherwise, he either is a straight out honest person who will let you know when you do bad (and not nicely) or he will get someone else to do it. Has an Elitist attitude.

The Co-GM – Maybe not as hardcore as the GM, but in a pinch, he makes a good raider. Listens to opinions, but gives little feedback. He does make some major decisions, and always tries to do it on the behalf of the GM. Look for this guy to give you feedback when others aren’t. Overall nice guy (unless the GM is nice, then this guy is an asshole.)

The GM's Significant Other - Okay, so he was going to have to quit but he tricked his SO into playing. She loves it. She's terrible. You'll effectively 24 man every boss. Count on 4 constructs in the raid, every attempt. She plays a Belf. Oh yeah, and she’s the one really in control over guild decisions.

The Raid Leader - When you stand in the flames, he dies a little bit inside. Look for this guy to do the Guild Leader’s dirty work. He WILL call you out in the raid by name and let you know your about to be replaced. After all, it’s his job to make sure raids happen successfully.

The Heir Apparent - When the GM goes psycho, ninjas the bank, and gdisbands, you’re the guy the guild is gonna look to fix the mess. You see it coming. You can't decide if ritual suicide or being the new GM would be more painful.

The Positive Officer - “That was great. Just great. You know, only 5% of guilds have even made it to Agalon, and getting him down to 67% on the second attempt is hawt.” He will blow more smoke up your ass then any other person on the planet, but sometimes, that’s just the trick. See Stoner, Below.

The Negative Officer - “Jesus Christ why are there corpses under all these goddamn volcanoes? It’s Jaraxxas for %@*@s’s sake. GET OUT OF THE GODDAMN FLAME!” This guy, makes it a point to let people know when a fuckup occurs and the more often it occurs, the louder and nastier he gets. See Drunks, below.

The Healing Officer - Has this job because, as the newest officer who plays a healer, he’s stuck with it. When a tank dies, he takes the blame for not helping out the healers enough, but that doesn’t mean he won’t get on your case. Has a separate channel for healers, likes to assign them, even if there is only one tank

The Hunter Class Lead - Will tell you that it does actually require skill and preparation to play a hunter well in the end game. Lies frequently.

Metermaid - He's got meters running. Always. Asks for meter postage whenever he's in the top 5, which is rare, as his focus on the meters is preventing him from seeing the volcano he's pathing towards. Pulls aggro. Has yet to realize that 0 health returns 0 dps. If he's healing, you might as well just put him on raid, he's gonna heal them anyway. Will personally whisper you meters when you’re below him. Usually an idiot or an asshat.

Stratman - Has read every strategy on the entire internet for every boss. Unable to think critically. Knows where his talk key is. Hated by the officers. Likely to play a hunter or mage. Also does out of his way to point out people not following the strat, but usually only to officers.

The Gay Guy - Affects the gay accent for effect. Upgrade decisions tend to involve lengthy discussions about gear appearance. Learned to use the dressing room function before the ‘v’key. Links gear and tells people to shift-click it.

The Stay At Home Mom - She’s around children all day and craves adult conversation. Babbles incessantly in vent, forgetting that adult conversation doesn’t usually begin with, “So I was talking to (insert name of four-year-old child) and he says…” Well liked, but frequently muted. Also has an issue with end game raiding, will show up, but won’t be the most promising dps.

Mr. Mikeless - Has a microphone. Hears the conversation and directions. Once wiped the raid because he started talking and most folks alt-tabbed to see who the hell was speaking. May be your best player. Very quiet.

The Kid - So, you messed up on this guy’s interview and nobody noticed that he was 12. But, he can play. And if he gets a little bit excited when boobies are getting talked about? Hey, he’s young. Has some skill when pointed in the right direction.

The Backbone - Plays a tank. Doesn't have much to say. Made an error once in Naxx, or so you heard. Will disconnect when Anub'arak is at 30% and keep aggro while offline for the rest of the fight. Has never said anything negative to the healers. Ever. GL with your progression without one of these. Hates the prima donnas.

The Other Kid - Remember that accountant you interviewed for the fury warrior position? And how you wondered how he’d make time to raid during tax season? He couldn’t. His eleven year old daughter took over about that time. She’s been raiding since. Mages, that’s an eleven year-old girl owning you night after night.

The Hunter Who Doesn't Do His Homework - Always good for insightful commentary and clever observation just after a wipe. "Holy Crap Man! I was just standing and shooting and this damn VOLCANO popped on me! When did they put in those volcanoes?"

The Prophet - Keeps insisting that you are going to need a melee group for ToGC. Badgered the management until they broke. Plays a rogue. Shreds. Loved by the Most Devout.

The Most Devout - This is the guy who gets to play an off-spec in a big-boy raid. He's the fury warrior or the enhance shammy. He cannot believe that some fate is letting him have this much fun that he's afraid it will all come crashing down. Prays devoutly to his favorite deity that the guild won't collapse because he'll never have THIS much fun again. Ever.

The Drunks - The special section of your guild. As raid progresses, their voices in vent are getting just ever so slightly slurred. You don’t notice because you’re trying to sound sober yourself. DPS output seems to scale positively with blood alcohol level.

The Stoners - Quietly wiping raids since the beta. They really, really, really hate having to move out of the fire. Two of them are dead under the volcanoes. They live in fear of the negative officer. They have their own channel. Try /join (insertguildname)stoners. You’ll see who’s in there. It’ll explain a lot. Still, if these guys don't show, bosses don't seem to actually die. They’re also having more fun that everyone else combined.

The Prima Donna - Requires special attention from management. Constantly whining. Plays some vital role. Might be a main tank, off tank, or healer. The officers really hate this guy and as soon as they can find another tank with 50,000 buffed HP, he’s out. Not a stoner.

The Chick with the Accent - Is the accent fake? Nobody knows or cares. Future visits to Australia/Britian/New Zealand/Alabama are now planned by all single raid members. Sometimes can be combines with Vent Prostitute, See Below.

The Healing Pally - Hates healing and had to go holy to see endgame. If you raid with a boomkin, a feral druid, a fury warrior, or any non-resto shaman, you are not getting a 10 minute blessing. Forget it. He hates you. God help you if he has a raid-viable alt in one of those classes; you're not even getting heals. Also, see Prima Donna.

The Departed Legend - You joined after he left. You suspect that he could not actually solo Yogg Saron. But you're not totally sure.

The Disgruntled Raider - Took an unannounced, extended vacation and now has to share his raid spot with the other 11 extra dps. Very angry about this situation. Doesn't realize that ##@#*ing is making things worse. Officers pray for a gquit. Often carries outdated gear he refuses to update.

The Warlock Whisperer - Directionally challenged. Despite having run Ulduar 1.26 million times, will require a summon to General Vezax’s room from the entrance. Has a "summon pls" macro. Strangely, is good at moving away from Void Zones. See (you guessed it) Stoners.

The New Guy - Begins most sentences with, "That's not how we did it in my old guild on Korgath." Likely to remain guilded for approximately one week. You wonder if he'll be telling his next guild, "In my old guild, we ran TOWARDS the volcanoes.”

The Backup - He's the guy waiting in the wings for the raid slot. Totally dependable and plays about 200% better than the guy for whom he's filling in. He's got half the gear and puts out 20% more dps. Totally cool, amazingly competent. You love it when the main can't be there. Could be a secret backbone.

The Buff-less Wonder - Plays a class with group buffs, but "forgets" to bring the necessary reagents. Highly skilled at turning a deaf ear and blind eye to buff assignments. If reminded, will proceed to slowly buff people one by one until someone else is overwhelmed by frustration and does it for them. Has a tendency to overwrite others buffs when choosing incorrectly.

Mr. Pick Me! Pick Me! - This guy is online and ready to raid. Always. Need a prot warrior? He's got one. A holy pally? Check. Problem is, he's really bad. Like bad bad. You keep him in the guild because he's... well, he's always been in the guild. So when your main tank, back up tank, and back up back up tank have vanished Mr. Pick is ready to rock, much to everyone else's horror.

Tootsie - Has a female toon. Claims to be female. Receives many of the benefits that the other females do, people are nice to her; she gets suspiciously good loot. Problem is, she's never posted a picture of herself, and she never talks on Vent. Could she really be a girl? Sure. But who's to know?

The Dumbest Person On The Planet - No one's quite sure exactly what's wrong with this guy, perhaps human evolution really has come to a standstill. Will be the cause of 60% of your wipes until he gets a /gkick. Tell him to spread out and he'll glue himself to a squishy healer. Tell him to avoid something and he'll stand in it till dead, then complain that he didn't get any heals. Ask him to CC the yellow star and he'll pick the orange circle then claim bleeding wounds debuff on his target.

The Obvious Explainer- This guy has read Wowwiki and probably written some of it. He will stop the raid for 15 minutes before each fight to explain to all the new people (of which there are none) that this guy might produce ground fire once in a while or that the hunter adds might shoot arrows. He'll warn that the boss can hit hard, tell everyone to avoid damage, and remind the healers that they need to keep the tanks alive.

Hair Trigger - He means well. Really, he does. Most of the time, he's likable, knows how to play his class, shows up on time, well prepared, and ready to work hard. He knows the strats, knows his role, and 75% of the time is a pleasure to have in the raid. Unfortunately, he's also got a very short fuse, and if something goes wrong or somebody screws up, he'll set off with enough RAGE to keep your Warriors happy for a week. "How the hell could you screw that up?" "Don't you know what the hell you're doing?" "Jesus Christ, could you please NOT suck next time? Can we get somebody goddamn competent in here, dammit?" Causes a good share of drama, frequently butts heads with the officers (especially the Negative Officer), and prone to /gquitting in a fit of anger before simmering down and humbly requesting a re-invite.

The Undergeared Slacker - This is the player who, for whatever reason, will only put out 33% of the DPS or healing of any other player with the same role. While not being AFK. This player is also likely to roll or spend DKP on the worst possible items for his/her class or role. You would love to drop him from the raid, but you don't have enough bodies to do so.

The Douche - He knows his class, knows the game, and always shows up to raids, but generally unpleasant and often rubs his guildmates the wrong way. If you ask him to do something he doesn't want to do (heal as a priest/drood/shammy/pally instead of DPS, tank as a warrior instead of DPS, kite as a hunter instead of... DPS) he'll do it, but he'll complain endlessly the entire time and opt out the first chance he gets. He'll bid on minor upgrades even when someone else could use it more, but hey, he's got the DKP, and the raid doesn't want to lose him because he's a good player. Every guild has one, you know who it is--if you don't, you may BE one. Often from New York, New Jersey, or Quebec.

My Glass Is Half Full - He's a decent player, but above all else he brings to the raid endless optimism. "Don't worry guys, good job, we learned a lot!" "We'll get him next time, we're doing better and better!" "We're definitely going to down this guy tonight." If there's any conflict or argument, he'll try and step in with a quick "Let's not argue, guys! Stay focused and we can do this!" He's a nice guy and means well, but the officers keep him muted on Vent half the time just because his encouragement gets in the way of strategy.

Pointdexter - He has the game down to a science. He may be a 40-year-old accountant with the free time of a 15-year-old student, or a 15-year-old student with the focus of a 40-year-old accountant. Drools over spreadsheets, calculates the group's overall DPS and efficiency and how it can be improved down to the smallest stat bonus. Spends his days on WorldofRaids and the Elitist Jerks forums looking at all the numbercrunching and posts everything on your own guild forums. Certainly an asset to the raid, but damn he needs a hobby.

The Terminal Virgin - Excessively vulgar, passive/aggressive. Has a slang term for the female genitalia for every letter of the alphabet, but has never actually seen one.

The Avatar - He's been in your guild since before you can remember and you've seen him raid maybe twice, but for some reason, this guy outgears the rest of your guildies by a tier. If you're in Udluar, he's wearing gear from ToC. If you're in ToC, he's got gear from ToGC. If you're attempting ToGC there are no more upgrades for him in the game. He'll hit 15% of your total raid dps in a 25 man instance, or heal your main tank without dropping below 70% mana. And he'll let you know how bored he is the entire time.

The Baggage - He's not bad per se, but he isn't good. The only reason he's still getting raid invites is because some vital raid member refuses to raid without him. Maybe he's family, maybe he's just a friend, but it's not his leet dps that you drag him along for. Usually knows he has a guaranteed slot because of his connections, and feels free to use that at every opportunity.

The Kid With ADHD - Night elf hunter or undead rogue. This kid is spastic, while the raid is drinking, he's jumping around like a moron, running in circles, and setting off fireworks. If that wasn't bad enough, he's on vent complaining that the raid isn't moving fast enough, even though he's not prepared for the next pull either. All of that might be tolerable if his constant antics didn't also involve falling into the lava and aggroing every mob in a 100 yard range.

Vent Prostitute - This is the girl that wants the raid to know she has boobs, a nice butt and loves sex. She will shamelessly tell you how anything demure turns her on, and will occasionally moan in vent. Don't be fooled ... she knows what kind of power this gets her; after all she needs to level the playing field when Girl with the accent is online. She often will find online boyfriends to be a time killing fling.

Mr. Mumbles - Loves to talk on vent, but is constantly asked what he just said. This can be caused by several reasons - broken mic, bad accent, or just mumbly. Almost always has something important to say - too bad you'll never hear it.

The Jackass Entertainer - Mouthy comments and random song follow this raider around. Usually contains his bullcrap to the space between wipes, but has upon occasion caused a hiccup in the progression due to a poorly timed joke nearly wiping the raid. Talks during boss encounters while dpsing.

Mr(s). Worthless - The one or two people you have to take sometimes because you're short on people. They are as geared and talent-specced like others in the raid, yet their numbers don't come close to others. Most of these are hunters or rogues, although that shadow priest or warlock fits that bill. They leave you scratching your heads on how the **** their numbers are so bad, vowing not to take them again until they improve...until next week you need them again.

Mr. 4Chan/Ytmnd/WoW.com Forums - Thinks every internet fad they've ever seen or heard about is the most hilarious thing in the universe, and has to share it with the raid. He has a massive amount of internet knowledge, has millions of pictures, and can bring up any oft-repeated phrase for hours at a time for no reason. Going from ' no wai ' to ' naga stole my [arcanite reaper] ' to ' [perdition's blade] GOES HERE D: ' golemagg doesn't change facial expressions!, ' he's sometimes funny, but the humor wears thin the 90th time you've said a raid command in /rs and he's /yell'd back, ' O RLY? '

Mr. STFU - This is the guy who believes he is funny but simply isn't. Even his voice is annoying, like nails on a chalkboard. Or he is the one with the most God-awful laugh you've ever heard who is always laughing. The problem is some of these people can't be muted because most of the time they actually contribute viable information. These are the people you whisper to other people in the raid, "He sounds like a baying donkey who's been kicked in the nads" or "Oh for the love of Christ shut him up".

The Over-Analyzer - Even if this person does top damage and dps in the raid, he is convinced he can do better or that the guild could do better. He is nearly impossible to make happy, and frequently is self-absorbed about himself in general. He is generally a really good player, but he is convinced that no matter what, anything could be better then whatever he just did/the raid just did.

The Perv - Takes anything and everything said and twists it into an innuendo, some more subtle than others. His mind resides firmly in the gutter and what few minds weren't there before he spoke create an almost audible splash when they hit it and hit it hard. Source of much entertainment, especially late at night or when drunk, as long as he doesn't carry things too far. Keep away from the Kid and the Other Kid or you may lose them to parental aggro.

Junkie- The one who perpetually raids while under the influence of half a bottle or more of Nyquil or some equally intoxicating cough syrup/pill. ALWAYS slacks on trash, all the while laughing to themselves for no reason with eyes half open. Always #1-2 on dps on bosses, but bottom 15 on trash dps. A fucked up flipper baby of The Stoners and The Drunks. Also, much like The Stoners, always has WAY more fun than other people in the raid even though they have no idea what's going on.

The Armor Thief - This person is in agreement with the officers that some pieces are better for his "spec" than pieces from his actual armor type. It's a shame he didn't talk to anyone who actually played the class, or he might actually not be pissing them off AND might actually not be at the bottom of the charts. Frequently a Druid, Paladin, or Warrior.

The Other Armor Thief - This person is not in agreement with anyone that he will take anything designed for his armor type, even if someone else sees it as an upgrade. Simply put, if he doesn't have it, and it's his armor type, he wants it, even if it's not an upgrade or intended for a different spec.

The Casual – Not a really well geared player…not the best spec either, but is always on, and though he doesn’t care if he makes it into the raid or not, he won’t get upset by it. Likes to run old content, believes that he could get better, just doesn’t want to work at it. Also has a habit of not rolling on any gear until it is about to be destroyed, then will take it because everyone else passed.

The Passive – Will listen to anyone’s thoughts, but have nothing to say for or against it. Not the person to ask for ideas, and when it comes time to raid, stays quiet, does his job, and calls it a night. Never seen upset…or happy for that matter.

The Opinionator - Makes it a point to voice his thoughts in response to anything anyone else says, or thinks. If the raid leader is trying to make a point about a wipe, the opinionator is backing him up 100% with the words, “yes” and “correct.” Likes to follow up with, “Here is what I’m thinking,” and “I think it would be best if we…” Also likes to talk about who should really get the gear despite dkp bids. Whispers people if no one is responding in /g chat or vent about his thoughts and their responses. Follows the annoying.

The Dedicated - Has two of every class at 80, horde and alliance. Has a bankroll (gold) that rivals most millionaires. Might be second best in every slot, but knows how to play every class really well, and usually isn't proven wrong unless he does it to himself, but never admits he's at fault. Also on 24/7 unless he finds a job...not likely.

Captain Lags-a-lot - The boss mgiht have died 60 seconds ago, but not for this guy, he's still deep into rotation and thinks the win is close. Great guy, 2k latency though. And usually can't change the situation unless he turns off his p2p client...which even then, doesn't help. Look for this guy to die in fires, not by choice, but only because he won't see it until it's too late.

The Experimentor - Thinks he is on to something about his class. As a holy pally, he might be aiming for haste over crit, or as a dps, leather over plate. He could be right, or completely wrong, but still, it's fun to see the whole process. Could be a secret Prodigy.

The Unreliable Raider - Outgears and out-dps's 90% of your regulars, knows all the fights (despite lacking all the achievements), and makes every boss seem 50% easier because he is kiting/dpsing the adds without being told, giving the tank helpful tips, or just rocking the meters. Passes on most loot as what he has is better. Unfortunately, he comes up with obviously fake excuses for bugging out early, or not showing up at all. Whether it's his RL schedule or he'd rather grind rep in the Outlands instead of raiding ToGC, he's never consistent. You'd love to remove him from the roster completely, but the times he actually shows up and stays, he's golden.

So...I forgot

Been a while

So, I forgot I had a blog...forgive me, something about raiding and time away

Made me get old, so here's my return to a new youthful poster

---

In my epic time away, I joined the second best guild on my server, Checkmate, and so far, it's been awesome. I've also spent time with my girlfriend, worked my ass off at work (kind of) and seen a dozen movies.

Since, I owe it to everyone, here's a cool post I have come across:

From official WoW forums fyi...

=========================================

"Lord Arthas," Kel'thuzad shrilled on his way to the peak of the Frozen Throne. "Naxxramas has fallen! So, too, the bowels of Ulduar!"

The Lich King's mind stirred, but his body did not. He was situated on a slab of ice, clutched tightly by a series of jagged, icy spikes. "Bowels?" asked the Lich King, whose booming telepathic voice could only be heard by his servants.

Kel'thuzad stopped and floated in front of the Lich King. "There must have been thousands of them--" Kel'thuzad's chilly wheeze, visible in these temperatures, got swept away by the Frozen Throne's furious winds. "Alliance and Horde alike--all of them, working together!"

A vile mist of frost emerged from the holes in the Lich King's helmet.

The chains holding Kel'thuzad's robes together rattled nervously. "They stormed in without warning, My Lord--"

The Lich King rose. Pillars of ice shattered around him in his wake.

Kel'thuzad cowered and shielded his head with his skeletal hands. "An army of gryphons, bats, and drakes the color of blood!!"

"ALEXSTRASZA?!" the Lich King roared. The Frozen Throne shuddered.

"There is no question, My Lord! She aided them in conquering Malygos, and defeating Sartharion in the Obsidian Sanctum! --Even the God of Death, Yogg-Saron, was vanquished by their efforts!"

The Lich King raised his hand in anger at Kel'thuzad. "Kel'thuzad, you allow but insects to invade your necropolis? To befriend the Aspects, to conquer my Lieuten--" The Lich King blinked, suddenly grabbed his own chin, and looked down. "Wait, did you say 'God of Death'"?

Kel'thuzad peeked through his finger bones. "Yes, My Lord. Yogg-Saron, the God of Death."

"..."

"My Lord?"

"How, exactly, do you go about killing a God of Death?" the Lich King asked. He turned around, looked up at the blizzard in the sky, and wondered.

".. well, uh, I assume you.. kill it, My Lord. With fire. Or a large sword."

"--And, on that note, how exactly are you still alive, Kel'thuzad?" The Lich King looked over his dented, frostbitten spaulders at Kel'thuzad.

"Well, I'm not, My Lord. I'm dead. I'm a lich."

"Then how is Naxxramas fallen? Why didn't you fight the Alliance and Horde?"

"I did. They killed me."

The Lich King glared at Kel'thuzad.

"I mean, I try to defend the necropolis every week, but they just keep coming back," Kel'thuzad defended.

"So let me get this straight." The Lich King brushed a human tooth off of his ice slab. "You, who are dead, are killed every week."

"By the undead," Kel'thuzad injected.

"What?"

"Well, you see, they have Death Knights now. --And sometimes a few Forsaken show up."

"So the undead kill you every week, who is dead, so that you die, and then you.. come back to life every week so that they--"

"I come back to death every week."

"Right. You come back to death every week so that the undead can kill you again. And then they go ahead and--why not?--kill the God of Death."

"That's about the gist of it, My Lord."

"Kel," the Lich King said in a softer voice. He appeared to be admiring a snowflake that had gotten impaled on a nearby ice spike.

Kel'thuzad looked left, and then he looked right. He cleared his throat, but his lich voice remained as raspy as ever. "Yes, My Lord?"

"Do you ever wonder if we're actually just data in a computer? --Hell, we could all be characters in someone's MMORPG!"

"You mean like The Matrix, My Lord?"

"I guess."

"I highly doubt we're characters in an MMORPG, My Lord."

The Lich King dragged his gloved fingers across the side of his helmet. "I mean--sometimes it just feels like I'm ineffective, you know? I set up a necropolis in the sky. Suddenly everyone has a flying mount. I show up in that super hard quest in Borean Tundra--you know, the one with--"

"Yeah, I know the one," Kel'thuzad replied with a quick nod. "The one where the damage gets reflected back at you. Very original."

"Epic, too. Did you hear my voice acting?"

"Completely on par."

"Yeah." The Lich King touched the snowflake with his fingertip. The snowflake shivered and fell apart. "Yogg-Saron and I--we set up that fool-proof hole in Ulduar. How were we supposed to know that Kologarn is the only enemy in the game that doesn't despawn?!"

Kel'thuzad stiffened.

"And I was talking to Anub'arak the other day. He had this great idea; we could kill those pesky mages that are holding up Dalaran. Can you imagine? During peak times?!" The Lich King cackled and turned around. His grin was hardly visible beneath his helmet. "The whole place would come crashing down! Do you have any idea how much DEATH and DESTRU--"

Game.

Kologarn is the only enemy

enemy in the game

game that doesn't

doesn't

The Lich King gasped.

game

Kel'thuzad strafed to the side.

game

"You--" The Lich King lost his breath. The water in his eyes caused the ice on his eyelashes to sizzle.

That's a terrible idea, Lich King. It would never work.

Crash Dalaran? What good would that do? Let's terrorize the Argent Tournament instead!

Hey, Lich King! Let's go gargoyle tipping! Hahaha!

The Lich King's voice deteriorated into a whisper. He stared at Kel'thuzad. "You knew. All along, you--"

"You were never supposed to know, Arthas," Kel'thuzad said. "But it's too late now." Kel'thuzad, who had been staring off into the distance, finally made eye contact with the Lich King. "You dug too deep." Kel'thuzad ripped the miter off of his head.

The Lich King's heart--which had suddenly returned--skipped a beat.

Kel'thuzad tossed his staff aside. It broke in two when it collided with the icy floor, and the gigantic jewel at its end shattered into a thousand brilliant pieces. Kel'thuzad peeled his mustache off, and then he peeled his body off, revealing--

The Lich King's eyes widened. "Z--!!"

Zarhym. Zarhym stood before the Lich King, in all of his floating skull glory. --And Zarhym cackled. He cackled long, and he cackled hard. The insane laughter literally tore the Lich King's helmet apart. Arthas, free from the helmet's grip, fell to the floor and screamed.

Kalgan emerged from the haze of ice behind Arthas. His eyes were dark, but his smirk was darker. "You did your best, Zarhym--" He looked over at Zarhym. "--but, as usual, your best wasn't good enough. Please return to your necropolis and try to actually accomplish something for once."

"Yes, My Lord!" Zarhym hissed. "My apologies, My Lord! I will inform the playerbase that we currently have a Paid Class Change feature in the works at once!" Zarhym floated away hastily.

"Yes, Arthas, you were a great villain," Kalgan continued as he stared down at the poor soul. "Perhaps too great. You--" Kalgan glared down at something that was sneaking around in the broken pieces of the Lich King's helmet. Was that-- Was that a crab?! "GHOSTCRAWLER?!"

"Err--" Ghostcrawler hesitated. He skittered around, grabbed a chunk of Lich King helmet, and put it over his crab head like a hat. Because it was a hat, technically. I mean, moments ago, it had been a helmet. But just imagine a crab wearing the entire Lich King helmet. I mean, come on. That would be ridiculous.

"Were you hiding in that Lich King helmet, Ghostcrawler?!" Kalgan asked--loudly.

"No, Sir! I was.. working on those Elemental Shaman changes, Sir! You know the ones!!"

Kalgan put his hands on his hips and tapped his foot.

"Yes, Sir! Applying those changes right now, Sir!" Ghostcrawler skittered away.

"Now, where was I?" Kalgan looked around, settled his eyes back on Arthas, and cleared his throat. "Ah, yes. --You were able to realize the truth, weren't you?! That you are nothing more than a character in a video game. What a pity." Kalgan walked around Arthas and chuckled.

"You--" Arthas tried to speak between his own retching and hacking. Black sludge--the will of the Lich King--was pouring out of his mouth. "You won't get away with this!! There's no way-- I'm Arthas Menethil! I am the Lich King! What will the fans say?! You can't replace me! I'm better than Sephiroth, for god's sakes!!"

"Oh, can't we now?" a familiar voice called out from beyond the haze.

A chill ran down Arthas' spine.

Chris Metzen stopped beside Kalgan.

"NO!" Arthas cried.

"One little retcon is all it would take," Chris said with a smile. "In fact, we've got one lined up already..."

Chris and Kalgan turned around to face something. Arthas struggled to roll himself onto his back, so that he could see what they were looking at. His blackened, frozen lips trembled. A shadow--a silhouette; a flare. Something with spikes. Something growing. Tears, hotter than Hell, finally gushed out of Arthas' eyes.

The silhouette flipped its hair.

"Magister's Terrace was merely a setback!"